just wondering...

so monico came back to work at lego!yay!!!!anyways its been fun since hes been back, but because iim not doing summer school anymore i am aiming for the summer lead position, which i always reject due to summer school, but anyways i usually do the same things so i rally doesnt matter to me. i just want a raise and for my work to be appreciated is that really to much to ask? well turns out neff also wants the lead position and because i am competitive i am doing everything in my power to stop that from happening. and hes been a jerk to monico lately. we had this discussion over an after work dinner and monico and i came to the conclusion that hes only doing it because im to thick skinned and "strong" that hes taking it out on the weak in this case my friends. make some sense seeing as to how they used to be cool before monico left, but maybe he was just being cool because of me? idk or care, but monico did point out that neff has been getting cozy or trying to get cozy with women in front of me. Is he hopping for a reaction? dude its been like 4 months! Am i even supposed to care? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DAMMED PROBLEM!!1 THE FIGHT WAS WITH ME NOT MY FRIENDS OR ANYBODY THAT TALKS TO ME AT WORK! Wasn't it you who said that stabbing people in the back and betraying a friend was unforgivable? your problem is with me! nobody else so leave them out of this!

forgotten post

so its been like months since i posted anything. mainly because im lazy and because theres been nothing to write about. i skipped a quarter of school due to financial circumstances, and neftali and i still dont talk to each other. on the other hand i have taken some awsome photos
:) which i plan to post as soon as i can format to fit here, because i took them in RAW format meaning that the pictures can be photoshoped more easily, and i can do some of that on my camara too!!!! anyways heres some to start.

this was one of the back grounds we used at the Hollywood premier i when to with work.

at sea life in legonad with monico

and i love clouds still......... :)

hell and coldness

so here i am again. even though i swore i wouldnt do it again i did. i saw Neff this morning and everything was fine. i told him about you Deasy ^^. but a couple of hours ago all hells broke loose. apparently someone told him they knew about us. best part is i dont know who and i apparently told them. ohh and it gets better, thers more than one person. the only name that i managed to get out was Stephanie China, one girl that works with us and has it in for him big time. WTFH!! i dont even talk to her!!!!!!!! and theres others. really? and they claim i told them!!? so you betcha that hes pissed, hey im pissed. i want to know who i told him.... and when i find them they are going to pay... for now all we can do is deny it and pray it blows over but at this rate i doubt that we can hang out again. and this is what sucks. But i swear when i find this person they are going to regret ever even meeting me..that is a promise and a warning not a threat...........

in the arms of temptation

well as i mentioned in the last post Neftali and i were supposedly over, our extended almost 6 month hook up had come to an end. or so we thought, on monday he needed a ride home after work and i gave it to him. after some small talk and listening to his plans of moving to escondido and going to vegas in march i thought we were back to normal and were just friends. we started talking i told him about the two people that had declared their undying love for yours truly. and he thought it was cool until i told him that booth times it had been a girl. to which he started laughing and suggested a threesome (wth!)(really dude) apparently he was kidding but still shocked me a bit. anyways theres only 3 places in the world that i get lost in and one of them happens to be getting to his house. the apartment complex has like 3 forks in the street and i don't know my left from my right so its always funny to try to follow directions, especially if that person cant tell left from right either. anyways uhmmm yeah its was a ride alright. and gdammit its bugging the crap out of me because we were supposed to be over. we cant just hook up again! can we?! why is it so hard for us to express our feelings in words! anyways i promised myself i wouldn't let it happen again. This is going to be so hard. wish me luck

empty space

so i haven"t written anything lately because there been nothing to write. i mean i stay home started doing yoga and random workouts at home. but thats pretty much it. i mean i saw Neff after work last week gave him a ride home and boy was it a ride :) good times good times. but as we know everything must come to an end, our favorite stories, songs and tv shows. and just because its over doesn't mean it's not important, it's time had come and it was time to move on. which is exactly what happened to me today. my story came to an abrupt end. just as easily as we started we ended and what i think hurts the most is that it ended to casually. what started out as a normal conversation led to something else then to 'you never told anyone about us did u?" "no, did u want me to" "no i dont want anyone to find out" "i mean how do i explain this 'hey, uhhhhmmmm wellll, ummmm, how can i put this ehhhhhhhh" "you cant theres no words" "i know" to which then there was silent pause in which we both acknowledged that it was over. then we had to work together. kinda awkward but before they moved him we wished each other luck. luck in everything guess, and it was then that it hit, we were done over finished, i did feel defeated but it was during that conversation that i discovered that we were never gonna go anywhere or be anything other than a hook up. A verry long almost 6 month hook up. and during that time it was insane, i mean try to keep everything normal but still manage to get out every now and then. theres no regrets i had fun, shockingly there have been no waterworks yet. maybe deep down i knew it would never be anything else, anyways i wish him luck and hopefully he finds a good girl. :) as for me i think im gonna be ok being single for a while longer.

my new year so far

its not that I've been lazy, well i have but my parents officially left i was looking forward to my newfound freedom. that was lost this morning temporarily. by my dad calling and yelling at me and telling me that it was my fault that i hadn't payed for my school and so on and so forth. so i feel like crap already and my mom calls to tell me that i am ruining the plan (wait what plan) and re-red me my rights and added to them that i was under the Care of my uncle. and if i needed something i was to ask my new babysitter for permission (actually i call her first and depending on what she said i ask him). then i also need to change my attitude. yes mother i will right after you stop yelling for something i didn't do. she texted about an hour later as if nothing had happened and said to just forget it. easy for you to say.
on a brighter note Neff called me at about 1140 last night and wanted to know if i was game for some late night cuddling because he was lonely, cold and needed me. awwwwwwww unfortunately i cant move my car and still need to come home. so he volunteered to be quiet if he sneaked into my room through my window.i live in the second story and hes off as bad as i am so so much for that plan. but after the scolding i received today i wish i had gone to get him. if he called me in the morning i could pick him up and keep him here alllllll day and nigh :) sigh wish he did it would make me feel a little better.

the pictures are form Bakersfield trip

SOME FREEDOM I HAVE

this was on the way to Bakersfield hell. the only good thing about it is the scenery.
i wasn't fired! yay i got to work my full 8 hours today, and not only was i excited to work because i wasn't fired i was also looking forward to seeing Neff again. well what can i say i missed him too. but before i get ahead of myself lemme list some of the rules left behind by my dear mother before she finally left. I cant be out too late.( this means go anywhere after 10 unless pre-approved). 2. I need to call for permission to go anywhere if they say no then sorry cant go.3. i need to call her at least 2 times a day (before and after work)4. i also need to tell her where i am (this makes sense in case of an emergency)5. the only people allowed in the house are You(deasy), Marlene, Monico, and Michelle and Cara if she comes up with you.
If that wasn't enough i then got a lecture on respect and responsibility(i would pay attention but i get it every time i go somewhere)
Unfortunately i have plans of my own and if i carry those out all of the rules will have been broken in one day ^^. i mean yes my uncle lives here too, but hes gets home at 5. giving me from 8 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon to do as i please, and maybe having Neff over will be on that list:) and telling her i work sat to hang out with friends might also be on the agenda. anyways im gonna enjoy this and end my year with a BANG!